“The Witch’s Daughter” a Memoir Balancing Darkness with the Light of Recovery https://ift.tt/4cYZv3X
In The Witch’s Daughter: My Mother, Her Magic, and the Madness that Bound Us, musician and author Orenda Fink describes her life, starting with her childhood in Alabama, and shows us how she disentangled from an abusive family dynamic. What makes this memoir different are the questions around her mother’s power as a witch, and how Fink unravels the magic from the madness of her family life.
Fink starts her memoir in the California desert, which is her current home. She describes a shouting argument with her mother that disturbs the peace Fink and her husband worked hard to find. Part I of Fink’s memoir is called “The Despair,” setting us up to understand that this is a difficult story both in the telling and sometimes in the reading, due to her being raised in circumstances that are just plain hard to get beyond. This includes deep levels of twisting and lies perpetuated by both her parents. However, it’s also clear that it will be an honest and open account of her upbringing. Fink includes early on how she comes to identify her mother’s mental health problems and that there’s a pathway forward. It was a relief to know Fink would find health and well-being, especially during the hard-to-read years in childhood. There were times reading felt like bearing witness, and this increased the feeling of closeness with her. This is especially so during Fink’s descriptions of the healing she finds in the desert and through therapy. She is generous in her explanations of the steps she found helpful through learning about mental health, not just to deal with family but also with her relationships in the music industry, and to herself as a talented musical artist.
Fink depicts her early childhood instability and chaos, weaving in stories of strange dreams and family histories that provide a sense of the metaphysical. Fink’s writing of her childhood years also keeps a sense of the unknown, consistent with how children don’t have the entire picture or story. It underpins the confusion that family members have prior to a mental health diagnosis, and the chaos it causes. Throughout the book, she speaks to the discovery and puzzle pieces that go into navigating a family with varied challenges, including a lack of resources, her mother pushing support away, and mental health struggles.
For anyone who’s experienced difficulty with family, it’s an awful fascination to realize that there are other people raised in grim family circumstances. What grounds Fink’s descriptions of her teenage years, including events with her sisters and parents, are the references to the therapy and research that Fink provides. The reminders of how Fink has found a healthier way to live, breaking family patterns, provide buoyancy, without which her lived experience may have remained too desolate to continue reading. However, Fink balances the darkness with the light of recovery. She finds her way to extended family and their own perspectives and histories, providing insights both to her and perhaps as an inspiration to us also, to review our intergenerational patterns with both discernment and compassion.
Fink’s music years, young adulthood and her deepening relationships give layers. Her musical journey and details are welcome, as we’re brought into her struggles and her career progression. As a side note, if not already familiar with her music, it was fun to play it as a background soundtrack while reading. She’s a talented and thoughtful musician and her artistry is reflected in her writing. Her introspection and willingness to confront her own part, as an adult, in her grueling relationship with her mother is a major strength of her memoir.
Fink’s magical journey and esoteric learning was a highlight, given the title of her book. Her unusual travels and experiences show an open mind weighed with practicality. She writes compassionately and intelligently, and it feels as though she’s a wonderful conversationalist who’s as interested in listening as she is in sharing her experiences.
Throughout her book, it feels as though she’s having an open and interesting chat with a dear friend. She remains generous and kind, even throughout what becomes a climactic and emotionally charged ending.
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