The Distance Between the Truth and What We Choose to Believe in “Make Sure You Die Screaming” https://ift.tt/6AkHNVi
Make Sure You Die Screaming by Zee Carlstrom is a delightfully dark thrill ride perfect for a quick weekend read. The “thriller” label is well-earned as Carlstrom’s narrator drags the reader along on a full-fledged crash out that is orders of magnitude beyond the average burnout response. The narrator claims to have “burned [their] entire life to the ground,” and over the course of the novel, it becomes clear that the fire is very much still burning.
While Carlstrom’s narrator was assigned male at birth and has lived most of their life as a closeted white man, they begin the novel genderqueer and functionally nameless, drunk driving from Chicago to Arkansas with their best friend of two weeks, Yivi. Through a combination of dishonesty and miscommunication, both the narrator and Yivi believe they are being pursued. Yivi claims to be on the run from a drug-dealing associate named Big Gravy, and the narrator expects the police. The paranoia is not unwarranted: the car they’re driving is stolen from the narrator’s ex, and they also recently lost their job after the death of a close friend, for which they blame themselves, literally. Their destination is set by the narrator’s mother, whose calls for help locating the narrator’s father have finally gotten through after a period of estrangement.
Not only are both Yivi and the narrator drinking heavily for most of the journey, the narrator is also suffering from a serious head injury. At times, the narrator claims that the injury is from being struck with a baseball bat by their ex, but later, they report the incident differently, saying that they tripped over a baseball bat and hit their head in a fall. The “true” version of events remains inaccessible to the reader. Despite their various impairments, Yivi and the narrator press onward, extending their rap sheets and increasing reader heart rates with each turn of the page.
They drink with teens who help them steal alcohol from a Walmart in Missouri, turn over the narrator’s whole bank account for a seriously questionable Toyota Corolla, and confront the narrator’s mother. At a Christmas-themed bar in Arkansas, the narrator runs into a former intern named Fing, who seems able to more accurately assess what has happened with the narrator’s job. When Fing hears the narrator’s version of events — that the narrator killed their friend, Jenny, and stabbed a coworker — Fing reaches out to another former colleague for more accurate information. As one of the only characters who appears to be doing objectively well, Fing serves as a crucial counterbalance to the narrator and offers a glimpse into what may still be possible on the other side of the novel’s events. It is Fing’s appearance that ultimately moves the novel toward some degree of clarity and resolution.
The conclusion of Make Sure You Die Screaming also hinges on the narrator’s quest to locate their father and reconcile their own identity within the context of that parental relationship. From the beginning, the narrator’s understanding of their own identity is intertwined with yet divergent from their relationship to their father. The narrator’s ambivalence is dramatized early on even though they have clearly agreed to go on this trip to locate him, saying, “I’ll find him if he needs finding, but my going on this trip won’t change anything. Because he’s like a virus, and I’m fully vaccinated. We do share a few qualities, obviously.” It is the shared qualities that emerge most dramatically as the novel reaches its climax, eventually leading the narrator to a clearer understanding of themselves and possibly even a name.
Though the novel is propelled by the characters’ specific actions and choices, it is also deeply philosophical and political at times. Make Sure You Die Screaming explores the distance between the truth and what we choose to believe and considers what such a distinction means for a person’s ability to be honest with themself and with others. Despite the narrator’s commitment to stop lying and devote themself to their “vow of radical honesty,” certain facts remain unclear to the very end. In part, this ambiguity is a reflection of the narrator’s positions: as a gender-nonconforming person during the Trump administration, as the child of a conspiracy theorist watching as large-scale conspiracies feel more and more believable, and as a former advertising professional, aware of the slick strategies keeping us all distracted.
The narrator’s seemingly sudden rejection of societal norms is in fact the result of many years of feeling confined by expectations, both their own and others, and thus Make Sure You Die Screaming seems to operate in the tradition of “transgressive novels,” a genre that has often featured white male protagonists breaking their lives for the sake of breaking something and becoming a problem for virtually everyone they encounter. Think American Psycho, Naked Lunch, Fight Club, etc. There are, of course, transgressive novels featuring female protagonists, such as My Year of Rest and Relaxation, The Guest, You Too Can Have a Body Like Mine, and more. Zee Carlstrom’s Make Sure You Die Screaming introduces a genderqueer protagonist into this hallowed tradition of outrageous and important novels that illuminate the deep wounds and complexities of modern life in the Western world, while also leaving readers cringing for days.
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